The First Time

The first time I spanked my Sweetheart as a form of punishment was the day after we had agreed to practice domestic discipline. We had joked that we might not notice much of a difference–unbeknownst to me, my wife had been working towards a more submissive role for some time, both in our love life and outside the bedroom. I expressed doubt about punishment being necessary, as I couldn’t recall the last time she had done something that would warrant one under this new dynamic.

Fast forward twenty-four hours.

Sweetheart was resting in the den, on her way to recovery from some health trouble. I stood in the kitchen, paused in the process of making lunch for us. The transgression was such a minor thing. Trivial. Laughable.  However, she had asked what I thought we should do about this little thing and then she had done the exact opposite. Is she testing me? I wondered. It was more likely that her disobedience was the result of some distraction and not an act of defiance. Does something this small and silly deserve a punishment? I realized that I was trying to convince myself that it did not, but we had agreed–just the day prior–that my say would be final.

“Here we go,” I said, placing lunch on the table in front of her. Soup, I think. I stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. She smelled clean and fresh, like soap and coconut. “But before we eat there is one thing we need to take care of.”  She looked at me, her brow furrowed.

“Please stand up and bend over the back of the chair.” She obeyed without hesitation, unfolding her legs from within the long skirt she was wearing and rising from her seat. I wanted her over my knee, but the health troubles made that impossible.

“I’m being punished.” It was a statement, not a question, and her tone gave little indication about what she was feeling. She said it the way a person says “I’m going to the store.”

“Yes,” I replied. “Do you know why?” Her response was prompt. “Because I disobeyed you.”

“That’s right. You asked me to make a decision and immediately did the opposite.”

She nodded and bent over the chair.

“Lift your skirt, please.” She reached back with one hand and raised the thin cloth over her ass.  She had no underwear on–the band irritated her skin while she was recovering.

Her skin was paler than pale, and there was plenty of skin to see. The firm roundness of her ass. The sleek suppleness of her thighs. Normally, just being near my wife is enough to stoke my fire. The scent of her under soap and perfume makes my blood race. The sight of her soft curves and flesh fill me with wild desire. I felt no joy at the prospect of punishing her, but something sent a jolt through me. My cock stirred.

spanking_01It was the fact of her submission that thrilled me.  There she stood, my Sweetheart, bent over a chair, exposed and vulnerable, offering herself to me without reservation. The image of it was breathtaking. I’m yours, it said, and the stirring became a hard throb pressing against my jeans. It wasn’t appropriate to be aroused, but I felt no shame. Her feet shifted back and forth, back and forth.  It was a small gesture, and the only hint that she was not entirely at ease. I stood at her side, my left hand resting on the small of her back.

The first slap came suddenly. It wasn’t hard but the shock of it made her jump. The next blow hit her other cheek.

“Count.”

“One,” she whispered.

The next few strokes came more quickly and with greater force. “Two, three….” She continued, counting every other slap. By the time she reached four my hand was stinging and red blossoms had appeared on her ass. They reminded me of the way her face and neck and breasts flushed when she was aroused. Or angry.

“Five.” I paused and reached for the thin wooden spoon I had placed nearby. I had tested the spoon on myself–it stung. I brought it against her rear with a soft crack. She hissed, a sharp intake of breath. Another crack brought the same reaction.

“Six.” Another, and another. “Seven.” She winced involuntarily each time.

“Eight. Nine.” She bit the words off. The last few blows were just harder than a tap. “Ten.”

I blew against her bright red skin and rubbed it with the soft skin on the back of my hand. “It’s over,” I said.

She rose from the chair and let the skirt fall back into place. She looked at me with wide eyes and I took her into my arms. She tucked her arms inside our embrace and placed her face against my neck as I kissed her cheeks and forehead and stroked her hair.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I know. I forgive you,” I replied. “It’s over.”

She raised her head and looked around, her eyes still wide and a little wild. She pointed to the spoon. “That thing is the devil!” I laughed. She laughed. She sat down, a bit gingerly, and normal life resumed. We ate lunch, enjoyed each other’s company, and silently wondered about this new road we had started on.

over_the_shoulder

My Testicles Are In Great Shape, By The Way

On May 17th, 2015 TLC aired TLC Presents: Submissive Wives’ Guide to Marriage. The show looks at three couples that incorporate, or attempt to incorporate, wifely submission into their marriages.

His testicles are in great shape, by the way.
I’m just really happy I got to write the word “wifely.”

Lest you fall off the edge of your seats and smash your lovely faces, dear readers, I’ll share the verdict with you first, and we can then talk in greater detail about what I liked and didn’t like.

The Verdict

I liked it.

The Greater Detail

First, I should mention that this show is not about domestic discipline. The emphasis is entirely on the wives’ submission and no mention of punishment is ever made. Still, it is an interesting look at a dynamic that is similar to DD, and even with some flaws it is an enjoyable watch.

As I mentioned above, the show follows three couples:

Tim and Tara Furman, veterans of the submission scene.

His testicles are in great shape, by the way.
His testicles are in great shape, by the way.

Eddie and Autumn Miles, third generation submitters.

His testicles are in great shape, by the way.
His testicles are in great shape, by the way.

And finally, Kristin and Mark Haywood, new initiates to the submiss-teries. Mark’s testicles, for those keeping score, are not in great shape.

Like raisins in the sun.
Like raisins in the sun.

Tim and Tara are helping Kristin and Mark try to transition from a rocky marriage into a happier, more harmonious one by introducing them to the submissive wife dynamic.

The Good

  • It is entertaining. Tara reminds me of the very few Southern belles I’ve met and it wouldn’t be a stretch to say she carries the show.
  • It never seems like these people are being mocked or painted like freaks in a sideshow. The otherness of the topic is the draw, of course, but it doesn’t feel like a great deal of spectacle.
  • It seems less scripted than many other reality shows.
  • It is a glimpse at a dynamic that is at least somewhat related to domestic discipline.  There is an overlapping philosophy.  Like Tim said, “My testicles are in great shape, by the way.”
    Like Tim also said, “For her to submit to you, you have to give her something to submit to.”  Domestic discipline shares that view: whoever is in charge must be worthy of their partner’s submission. Democracy works, in part, because of an odd number of people.  When you have two strong-willed and passionate people how do you break a tie?  Ideally, communication and compromise, but let’s be honest: that doesn’t always work.  What then?  Bickering, resentment, bitter recriminations?  What Submissive Wives’ and DD have in common is an approach to resolving this problem without animosity.  One partner has surrendered authority to the other, and that person has the responsibility of making the final call.  Sometimes that means overruling the submissive partner, while other times it might mean giving in.  At all times it demands that the Head of Household puts the family before him- or herself.

The Bad

  • At times the show feels like an extended commercial for an actual show.  Maybe this is how TLC pitches reality shows, and if there is enough interest they’ll spin it up full-time.  The problems are resolved just a little too neatly, too quickly, to make it credible.
  • It feels superficial.  The impression given is that the wife submits and she never falters on that course. You can’t tell me these submissive wives never get a sharp tongue or disobey their husbands. How do they handle that?  Maybe everything really is blissful harmony in their homes, but it feels like they skirt a couple issues that would have been very interesting to explore.
  • The show presents submission almost as a kind of panacea for whatever ails a marriage.  Kristin and Mark are having some serious problems, it seems.  Kristin sleeps half the day and spends the rest on the couch.  Is she depressed?  Readers, you know me-ish:  I’m the guy writing a blog about domestic discipline.  I think it’s kind of obvious that I’m a big fan.  Still, I’d never suggest that it is a cure-all for the problems in a marriage.  It can absolutely help with some things, but both partners need to approach it with enthusiasm and good faith, and the show seems to present it instead as a quick fix.
  • It places too much emphasis on gender roles. It’s right there in the title. The man is in charge, the woman is serving.  I don’t agree with this, I don’t believe it is supported by any kind of religious or biological imperative, and I think presenting it that way is problematic. It would have been better if the show was focused on marriages–man/woman, man/man, woman/woman–that practiced the dynamic in a variety of ways.  Even if they were too squeamish to touch gay marriages it would have been fascinating to see a woman Head of Household.
  • It emphasized religion entirely too much.  Saying “this has been ordained by God” is not a convincing argument for people that don’t share those beliefs. I also think that presenting it that way is problematic, as it means having a marriage that is not this way is defying God.  That plays all kinds of havoc with the issue of consent that I am not at all comfortable with.  It would have been much better to say, “This is our choice. It works for us. We think it would work for a lot of other people, too.”
  • It presents the topic of sexual submission in a way that makes me very uncomfortable.  “Just do it” is alarming advice for anyone, especially when there is an implied “even if you don’t like it.”  Both partners do not always have to climax.  There, I said it.  Truth bomb in your lap.
    Pictured: Your orgasm. Don't be greedy.
                      Pictured: Your orgasm.                Sidenote: “Truth bomb in your lap” is a pretty good euphemism for an orgasm.

    However, both partners should always take some pleasure and satisfaction from intimate acts with each other. Enjoying the touch, the sensation, the closeness, the special intimacy that is shared with no one else–all of these are just as valid as having an orgasm.  “Just do it” ignores this, and encourages one partner to engage in something that, in the absence of all of these things, is demeaning and dehumanizing.

There you have it.  I wanted to give you the verdict first, so my extensive criticisms didn’t give you the impression that it wasn’t enjoyable. The show was entertaining, and I encourage folks interested in any aspect of submission in the household to check it out. You can get that episode on Amazon for about $2.

I hope they have a follow up where Tim and Eddie talk about their testicle training regimen. Do they tie weights around them and lift?  Is it mostly cardio, where they swing them around in circles for half an hour every day?

Tim starts his mornings with a light jog.
Tim starts his mornings with a light jog.

These are the important questions, TLC, that your viewers are dying to know.