On May 17th, 2015 TLC aired TLC Presents: Submissive Wives’ Guide to Marriage. The show looks at three couples that incorporate, or attempt to incorporate, wifely submission into their marriages.
Lest you fall off the edge of your seats and smash your lovely faces, dear readers, I’ll share the verdict with you first, and we can then talk in greater detail about what I liked and didn’t like.
The Verdict
I liked it.
The Greater Detail
First, I should mention that this show is not about domestic discipline. The emphasis is entirely on the wives’ submission and no mention of punishment is ever made. Still, it is an interesting look at a dynamic that is similar to DD, and even with some flaws it is an enjoyable watch.
As I mentioned above, the show follows three couples:
Tim and Tara Furman, veterans of the submission scene.
Eddie and Autumn Miles, third generation submitters.
And finally, Kristin and Mark Haywood, new initiates to the submiss-teries. Mark’s testicles, for those keeping score, are not in great shape.
Tim and Tara are helping Kristin and Mark try to transition from a rocky marriage into a happier, more harmonious one by introducing them to the submissive wife dynamic.
The Good
- It is entertaining. Tara reminds me of the very few Southern belles I’ve met and it wouldn’t be a stretch to say she carries the show.
- It never seems like these people are being mocked or painted like freaks in a sideshow. The otherness of the topic is the draw, of course, but it doesn’t feel like a great deal of spectacle.
- It seems less scripted than many other reality shows.
- It is a glimpse at a dynamic that is at least somewhat related to domestic discipline. There is an overlapping philosophy. Like Tim said, “My testicles are in great shape, by the way.”
Like Tim also said, “For her to submit to you, you have to give her something to submit to.” Domestic discipline shares that view: whoever is in charge must be worthy of their partner’s submission. Democracy works, in part, because of an odd number of people. When you have two strong-willed and passionate people how do you break a tie? Ideally, communication and compromise, but let’s be honest: that doesn’t always work. What then? Bickering, resentment, bitter recriminations? What Submissive Wives’ and DD have in common is an approach to resolving this problem without animosity. One partner has surrendered authority to the other, and that person has the responsibility of making the final call. Sometimes that means overruling the submissive partner, while other times it might mean giving in. At all times it demands that the Head of Household puts the family before him- or herself.
The Bad
- At times the show feels like an extended commercial for an actual show. Maybe this is how TLC pitches reality shows, and if there is enough interest they’ll spin it up full-time. The problems are resolved just a little too neatly, too quickly, to make it credible.
- It feels superficial. The impression given is that the wife submits and she never falters on that course. You can’t tell me these submissive wives never get a sharp tongue or disobey their husbands. How do they handle that? Maybe everything really is blissful harmony in their homes, but it feels like they skirt a couple issues that would have been very interesting to explore.
- The show presents submission almost as a kind of panacea for whatever ails a marriage. Kristin and Mark are having some serious problems, it seems. Kristin sleeps half the day and spends the rest on the couch. Is she depressed? Readers, you know me-ish: I’m the guy writing a blog about domestic discipline. I think it’s kind of obvious that I’m a big fan. Still, I’d never suggest that it is a cure-all for the problems in a marriage. It can absolutely help with some things, but both partners need to approach it with enthusiasm and good faith, and the show seems to present it instead as a quick fix.
- It places too much emphasis on gender roles. It’s right there in the title. The man is in charge, the woman is serving. I don’t agree with this, I don’t believe it is supported by any kind of religious or biological imperative, and I think presenting it that way is problematic. It would have been better if the show was focused on marriages–man/woman, man/man, woman/woman–that practiced the dynamic in a variety of ways. Even if they were too squeamish to touch gay marriages it would have been fascinating to see a woman Head of Household.
- It emphasized religion entirely too much. Saying “this has been ordained by God” is not a convincing argument for people that don’t share those beliefs. I also think that presenting it that way is problematic, as it means having a marriage that is not this way is defying God. That plays all kinds of havoc with the issue of consent that I am not at all comfortable with. It would have been much better to say, “This is our choice. It works for us. We think it would work for a lot of other people, too.”
- It presents the topic of sexual submission in a way that makes me very uncomfortable. “Just do it” is alarming advice for anyone, especially when there is an implied “even if you don’t like it.” Both partners do not always have to climax. There, I said it. Truth bomb in your lap.
Pictured: Your orgasm. Sidenote: “Truth bomb in your lap” is a pretty good euphemism for an orgasm. However, both partners should always take some pleasure and satisfaction from intimate acts with each other. Enjoying the touch, the sensation, the closeness, the special intimacy that is shared with no one else–all of these are just as valid as having an orgasm. “Just do it” ignores this, and encourages one partner to engage in something that, in the absence of all of these things, is demeaning and dehumanizing.
There you have it. I wanted to give you the verdict first, so my extensive criticisms didn’t give you the impression that it wasn’t enjoyable. The show was entertaining, and I encourage folks interested in any aspect of submission in the household to check it out. You can get that episode on Amazon for about $2.
I hope they have a follow up where Tim and Eddie talk about their testicle training regimen. Do they tie weights around them and lift? Is it mostly cardio, where they swing them around in circles for half an hour every day?
These are the important questions, TLC, that your viewers are dying to know.
Laughing Knave 